G/// D6/Gb/// Dm/F/// C/E/// Cm/Eb
G
I've never climbed a mountain
D6/Gb
Of a particularly challenging size
C/E
I've never run a bank
G/D
Reserve or otherwise
D
I've never been the captain of a team
B7/Eb
And I’ll know you’ll be surprised
Em Eb#5
To find I didn’t invent the Internet
G/D Dbm7b5
Haven’t reached a double A rating yet
D
Abolishing Apartheid seemed to work
D D/B C
For F. W. de Klerk
G
I may not be a powerful
D6/Gb
Or impressive looking man
Dm/F
But I can guarantee that if you hire me
C/E
I won’t cost you thirty thousand grand
Cm/Eb G/D
And if you are B.T.
Cm/Eb G/D
I will do the gig for free
Cm/Eb
If you’ll just send out a man
D
To sort out my broadband
G
I’m not married to Paul McCartney
D6/Gb
I am not an amputee
C/E
I’ve never played at Wembley Stadium
G/D
Or made poverty history
D
I haven’t yet been knighted
B7/Eb
Nor received my MBE
Em Eb#5
I find it hard to leave my living room
G/D Dbm7b5
Yet alone go walking on the moon
D
Never studied the seven favourite tactics of
D D/B C C/D / D /
Garry Kasparov Garry Kasparov
G G/B C
But I can sing and play piano
D G
I’ll even do it at the same time
G/B C
I aim to please with melodies
D G
And generally amusing rhymes
D6/Gb F C6/E
So why not hire me and get a nice song
Cm/Eb A/Db
Rather than paying Lance Armstrong
D
Fifty thousand quid to ramble on about cancer
And bikes
Boring!
Am E/Ab
There’s a lady who’s sure
G D/Gb
All that glitters is Gold
F G G Am Am
And she’s buying a stairway to he a ven
Am/D
To take us to Ikea in his BT van
Eb/F
Buy a crap cot and a Swedish pram
D/Gb E/Ab
But on the way home we can sort out a plan
A / E6/Ab / Em/G/ / D/Gb/ / Dm/F /
To sort out my fucking Broadband
G A
My fucking Broadband
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